Someone Notices the Contrast of White on White, 27 November 2012


Good Evening:

I have a logical explanation for this. Honest, I do:

Imagine (if you dare) that Groucho Marx and Don Rickles were white-collar workers in the same office. Now imagine that they worked only a few cubicles apart. And now imagine that Don Rickles was over a foot shorter than Groucho, Asian, female, and had extremely long hair.

That was my relationship with “Joanne” until last week, when she moved to a permanent position in a different department of the government of the City & County of San Francisco. I pretended that she and I were identical twin brothers, except that “John” had gender identification issues. She played practical jokes on me. We comically insulted each other nonstop. We invented our own “top secret special secret twin langauge,” which consisted largely of belching, burping, grunting and beeping sounds. We were perfect for each other, and provided excellent entertainment for our co-workers. She gave me one last parting gift when she left; specifically, she, ahem, “redecorated” my cubicle as you can see in the above picture.

Look closely and you will see that she used a lot of toilet paper for her project. I couldn’t let it go to waste, so I’ve used the T.P. as a coaster for my coffee cup, as facial tissue to blow my nose (it doesn’t feel very rough at all), and most important of all, as a constantly changing abstract sculpture to photograph for my “White on White” and “The Minimally Artistic Art of Instant Minimalist Art” series. Some examples:

Frank Gehry, eat your heart out. In a foreign language.

The Nikon CoolPix S9100 has proven rather a deceptive little creature. When I checked the images after snapping them, they all appeared in their correct colors (pretending for a moment that white is a color). However, after I uploaded all of them to iPhoto, they uniformly displayed a very pale beige color. The problem presented little trouble: reducing the Saturation level from the default 50 to 15 +/-3 brought out the correct colors.

I hope you like the results. Perhaps you shall feel inspired to create your own monochromatic sculptures from common household materials.

Vonn Scott Bair


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