The 6-Parnassus is probably not San Francisco’s most insane bus route. I know that sound hard to believe to long-time readers of this blog: after all, I faced down an English soccer hooligan on the 6-Parnassus; after all, I had to listen to a self-proclaimed pickpocket on the 6-Parnassus; and after all, I met Clark Kent–yes, that Clark Kent–on the 6-Parnassus. But no; I would hazard a guess that the 14-Mission sees more craziness over the course of a typical year than any other bus line in The Cool Grey City of Love.
But–on just this one bus ride…I think the 6-Parnassus set a city record for most craziness in the fewest blocks.
It started when I boarded the bus along with this couple…
…whose sexual foreplay began after the next bus stop, when an African-American Short Person pulled himself on board and then stood on the seat next to mine, loudly proclaiming to the world the full extent of his inebriation, only to stop bragging about his drunkenness at the next bus stop because…
…an obese Caucasian female with dyed-blonde hair and a dyed-black mustache–yes, her own mustache, growing out of her own upper lip–boarded the bus and sat across from me. The African-American Short Person immediately began to hit on her, exclaiming loudly, “Damn, you hot, girl! I’m a homosexual, and I still wanna crawl inside ya’, baby doll!” and she laughed and said that both of her ex-husbands had told her the exact same thing, and while the two of them bantered about their future sexual adventures, another gentlemen snuck onboard the bus not paying his fare, but of course the driver did not see this because…
Another passenger (not in the above picture) asked, “Why do you wear a ghillie suit, man?”
“Dude, you cannot be too well concealed in the urban jungle.”
“OK, but why the bird mask?”
“Dude, I don’t want anybody to know my secret identity.”
“OK, that makes sense.”
All this happened in only four bus stops covering only five blocks of downtown Market Street.
Even by San Francisco standards, that represented highly concentrated craziness.
I love this city.
Vonn Scott Bair
PS–All photos taken with my iPhone 4.