It took until the morning of the last day of 2014, but I finally heard the finest bad work-related joke of the year.
My department of the San Francisco Public Utilities Commission has a history with printer/copiers. Not a happy one. As our printer/copiers acquire more functionality and “power,” they simultaneously acquire more bugginess, paper jams, breakdowns, and visits from fabulously wealthy repairpersons. Well, at least they should have become fabulously wealthy by now; we certainly have done our best to help.
Today, I tried to print one single-page document, but our printer/copier decided that Door 3 was open and refused. Door 3 was not open. I know this because I checked that the door was unopened, then opened the unopened door, and then closed it. Then I did what I always do when software and/or hardware go kablooey on me.
I decided to fire the printer/copier.
I fire lots of things/people. I have fired Bill Gates; I have fired Steve Ballmer; Satya Nadella’s involuntary separation is currently in progress. I have fired Xerox; I have fired IBM; I have fired malfunctioning fire alarms. I have fired telephones; I have fired Mr. Hewlett & Mr. Packard; I have fired Larry Ellison’s databases; I have fired Larry Ellison. I have even rehired Mr. Gates and Mr. Ballmer just I could re-fire them along with Mr. Nadella.
I’m kinda tough that way.
One of my co-workers joined me in the copy room because he also had a printing issue, and asked me what had gone wrong with the printer/copier this time.
I said, “It thinks that Door 3 is open.”
He said, “Um, Door 3 is not open.”
“I know. I have done everything to try and troubleshoot this lump of junk, and I’m sick of it. If it doesn’t print my job right now I will fire it on the spot!”
The printer/copier printed my one-page job. Right then. On the spot.
My co-worker looked at my single page document, laughed, and said, “Wow, Vonn, you really…”
And here is your Riddle of the Week!
What did my co-worker say? Can you complete the above sentence?
Answer below my name. Have fun, and then have fun this New Year’s.
Vonn Scott Bair
Scroll down a little further.
Just a little further.
And here is what he said:
“Wow, Vonn, you really scared the sheet out of that copier.”