“Regrets and Farewells, from $98:” New Spam Scam Poetry, 9 June 2015!

Standard

Good Evening:

I like to take the spam that appears in my In Box at work and turn it into poetry (see here, here and here for just three of many examples). But the spam I received today posed greater challenges than normal:

All this time I was wondering if you were ever going to ask me. I know that you cant always be there but at least it was ok. Yesterday when you called me I thought you were talking about the other day when you were later. Im sorry if you think that way.

MOVE WITHOUT WORRY FROM $98 

Move Door-To-Door From $98

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See the problem? There’s a huge change of tone after the first paragraph, an entirely different subject, ridiculous punctuation, and a lot of verbiage that probably cannot find a place in any true work of poetry. But I wanted to do more than simply delete everything after the first paragraph.

Finally, I came up with this:

Regrets and Farewells, Email Spam Poetry Edited by Vonn Scott Bair

All this time I was wondering

If you were ever going to

Ask me.

I know that you cant always

be there but at least it was

OK.

Yesterday when you called me

I thought you were talking

about the other day when you were

Later.

 Im sorry if you think that way.

Move without worry

From ninety-eight dollars.

Move Door-To-Door

From ninety-eight dollars.

Move Wihtout Hassel

From ninety-eight dollars.

Ah, such a sad and sweet and bitter and bittersweet ode from a lover whose love for the other remains, but the love between them has gone, moved away for ninety-eight dollars.

I hope I didn’t break too many hearts.

Vonn Scott Bair

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