Tag Archives: Digital Photography

Plane Travel: Kinky Sex, But With Neither Kink Nor Sex.

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Good Evening:

I’ve had it with flying.

I have reached the point where almost nothing can justify paying airlines vast sums of money in order to let them punish you to their hearts’ content. With the sole exception of family emergencies, this car-less traveller will stick to the railroad–an odd experience that offers its own intriguing strengths and weaknesses (and will become the focus of my next post). But tonight I vent. If you want rants, congratulations, you have reached the right blog post!

Although flying to Connecticut was agony, once I arrived, the trip became total enjoyment.  Presenting photographs of the beautiful town of Essex looking its best.

Although flying to Connecticut was agony, once I arrived, the trip became total enjoyment. Presenting photographs of the beautiful town of Essex looking its best.

My summer trip to Connecticut drove me past the breaking point.

Sold-out flights take forever to board and sure enough, this was another one. Stuck on board one of the newer models of jets does not make life better, it makes life worse. First, as usual, the seats shrunk again. I know they shrunk again; I lost weight over the course of 2015, and yet we had more tightly packed seats than ever, less leg room than ever, and less elbow room than ever.

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Combine the smaller with seat widths with seat belts that have not shrunk with them and you have serious bondage. Unfortunately, I do not like B&D. Even if I did, the airlines’ notion of kinky hijinks at 30,000 feet tying up people would not feel the least bit–ahem–“interesting,” for the lack of a better euphemism. As you might have guessed, the airline also stuck me in the middle seat.

Great fun. Especially with the overweight gentleman on my right.

Who was the lesser problem.

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The other one was the bigger problem. He should have considered himself fortunate, standing at most five foot, six inches tall, of average build and sitting in the aisle seat. But when he arrived at our row, he drew himself up to full height, inflating himself with the sense that my sheer existence presented the most offensively existential effrontery of his entire life. He adjusted the sleeves of his expensive-looking silver silk suit as if preparing for conflict. Given his 50-ish appearance and salt-and-pepper goatee, I pegged him as a super-rich executive and wondered what he was even doing in the Economy (hah!) section.

“You’re in my seat.”

“What?”

“Get out of my seat.”

“No this is my seat, the aisle seat must be yours.”

“Stewardess, get this man out of my seat!”

“Here’s my ticket-”

“Get him out of my seat!”

“-I have the middle seat-”

“Stewardess!”

“-you must have the aisle seat.”

He glared at me as if no one had talked back to him since the previous dot-com crash.

“I. Purchased. BOTH. Seats!”

What on earth?!

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The stewardess examined our tickets, and sure enough, the airline had sold the same seat twice. Policy dictated that she could not throw me off the plane, so she made arrangements for Mr. Glare (my nickname) to get a refund on his second seat. Mr. Glare, partially reimbursed, stood by his aisle seat one more time, glared at the human who had the offensively existential effrontery to sit next to him, and sat down, squeezing his five foot six frame against me as much as the armrest between us could allow.

He sat like that for the entire trip.

Except when he moved.

And when he moved, he always accidentally on purpose dug his elbow into various parts of my body.

But nowhere where I might have had him arrested for groping.

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So I sat squashed between an overweight gentleman on my right (who slept for the entire flight and how did he manage that?) and Mr. Glare on my left. As usual, the airline food was overpriced, undersized, and pretty bad, but I had already brought my own meal with me. Sadly, so had Mr. Glare, and lifting his sandwich to his mouth gave him many opportunities to accidentally on purpose lift his right elbow almost to the left side of my face.

After a while, I needed a break from this incredibly important and great human being to whom I should have offered profuse apologies for my puny existence. Made my way to the back of the plane and suddenly suffered a grave and saddening epiphany.

I could never join The Mile High Club.

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Sex on airplanes has never appealed to me because far too many things can go far too wrong, and today far too many things go far too wrong in front of far too many iPhones, but now you can’t do it even if you want lifelong Twitter humiliation. First of all, planes have fewer and fewer and fewer restrooms–this jet only had two. So you won’t have time because someone will soon knock on your door. Second, on this jet they were located inside the attendants’ work station, so you cannot sneak inside. Finally, in order to make more space to cram in ever smaller seats, the restrooms have also shrunk. I do not know how an obese person can fit inside one of these, let alone use them. How can two people get wild and woolly inside such a restroom?

Let’s sum up. No free food. Tiny amounts of overpriced bad food. No room. Plenty of unpleasant travelers. Smaller and smaller seats. The unkinkiest of kinky bondage for people who don’t like that at all. No sex even you’re foolish enough to want it. Fewer and fewer restrooms with longer and longer waits in line.

And you have to spend how much money to pay people to abuse you?

And you have to spend how much money not to enjoy any of what you bought??

How much money???

So I’ve switched to trains. Plenty of idiosyncrasies, but overall an experience with which I can live.

As you will see in my next post.

Vonn Scott Bair

The Chronicle of a Death and Resurrection Foretold: The Sequel.

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Good Evening:

You might remember the tales of a hideous 60s office building on the 100 block of Van Ness Avenue from a little over a year ago. Well, one other equally hideous office building sat next to it, short, blue-green and perpetually filthy, has now died in preparation for its own resurrection, presumably condos starting at $340K as did its neighbor (although given rents in this town, perhaps starting at $400K might prove closer to reality).

But whereas the first office building got recycled–literally, recycled–the second one had to come down. However, tearing it down or demolishing it with explosives could not come into consideration for safety reasons. So they took it apart.

Piece by piece. As you can see in these pictures. First step: seal it up completely so they could remove the glass without the risk of the occasional shard crashing to the sidewalk.

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When finished, the somewhat ragged unveiling.IMG_7559

I thought they might keep the interior intact and recycle the building after I saw this, but the building is much too short for a profitable condo conversion. The investors will need something perhaps twice as tall to make a profit.

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And there you have the (current) result. Death complete, resurrection to follow.

Vonn Scott Bair

Under the Overpass, 19 December 2015. (Weekly Photo Challenge: Gathering)

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Good Afternoon:

San Francisco has gotten hit with a huge El Nino in recent days, one downpour after another, with only slight respites of light drizzle and the occasional sunshine. At the San Francisco Public Utilities Commission, where I work, we go around with sheepish grins and tell each other, “This weather is terrible! Isn’t it wonderful!” Whilst it remains unlikely that a single wet winter will completely undo the drought, most San Franciscans feel a bizarre combination of irritation and delight.

Not so much our homeless population.

Finding any means of protection however slight against the elements becomes more difficult in weather like this. For this reason, large numbers of homeless have sought refuge under the overpass along 13th Street in the South of Market neighborhood. I would guess that the number of improvised shelters have quadrupled. Any amount of protection will do, but some pieces of real estate have more value than others:

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Even these lucky ones cannot completely avoid the wet.

Blanket Drying Out After Downpour, 13th Street Near Folsom, San Francisco, CA, 19 December 2015

Blanket Drying Out After Downpour, 13th Street Near Folsom, San Francisco, CA, 19 December 2015

Others make do with partial protection.

Broom & Shoes, 13th Street Near Harrison, San Francisco, CA, 19 December 2015

Broom & Shoes, 13th Street Near Harrison, San Francisco, CA, 19 December 2015

Some might not have even that much.

Hell Ride Crew, 11th Street near Valencia, San Francisco, CA 19 December 2015

Hell Ride Crew, 13th Street near Valencia, San Francisco, CA, 19 December 2015

Worst of all, no matter how well meaning, any and all attempts at solutions seem to consist of and/or end in shouting, blame and lawsuits. Anyone can see that San Francisco’s recent prominence in the national consciousness results from the fact the income gap here absolutely dwarfs the income gap nationally, and one nightmare scenario consists of America turning into a middle-class-free version of San Francisco, containing the few extremely rich and the many extremely poor. I took that quick and easy quiz in the previous link and discovered that nationally my income was slightly above average and places me in the 57th percentile, an excellent result when you have all of The Good Zeroes: zero kids, zero cars, zero drugs, zero mortgage, zero debt.

However, by San Francisco standards my income fit in the 38th percentile. Lower middle class.

Well, I have defenses, but most people don’t.

So whatever you see in these pictures, wherever you live, it can happen there.

The wind and rain in my neighborhood have just take a turn for the heavier.

Vonn Scott Bair

A Sleighride of Santas (Weekly Photo Challenge: Gathering)

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Good Morning:

Someone (not me) defined insecurity as the first time a child sees two Santas simultaneously. What do we call this?

Santas & One Gingerbread Man

Santas & One Gingerbread Man

‘Twas the annual worldwide Santa party last weekend. The Gingerbread Man was a nice touch; even Santas get hungry.

Vonn Scott Bair

City Vehicle Yard, South Van Ness & 13th Street, San Francisco, CA 19 December 2015.

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Good Evening:

One of my big influences as a photographer is Photo-Realism, a painting movement prominent about 40-50 years ago. Ironic. One of the subjects the Photorealists loved to portray consisted of automobiles, either singly or in gatherings. So here is a photograph in the Photorealistic painting style of a Photorealistic painting subject.

City Vehicle Yard, San Francisco, CA 19 December 2015, 1:26 p.m.

City Vehicle Yard, San Francisco, CA 19 December 2015, 1:26 p.m.

It’s OK, I don’t understand me, either.

Vonn Scott Bair

San Franciscans on a Saturday Shopping Afternoon (Weekly Photo Challenge: Eye Spy)

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Good Afternoon:

Spied and espied San Franciscans shopping and enjoying the storm-free Saturday yesterday. Using the old 30 Shot technique, collected over 120 candids, and because I had a comparatively good day, only discarded about 80% of them. Presenting some of the more interesting ones, some edited, some left as is.

I have not seen this street preacher before.

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This person did not beg, did not communicate, in fact, did not do anything. Just stared straight ahead.

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Just like last year, the City turned a few blocks of Stockton Street into an instant park. Somehow, in the midst of all the holiday shopping, this person found herself a quiet space.

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Time with the granddaughter–also known as an early Christmas present.

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He looks tuckered out. Probably waiting for the rest of the family to finish their shopping.

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Santa Little Helpers, and why Santa need them. She can’t stay upright without them.

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I saw a balloon vendor at Powell and Geary who did very well yesterday. The parents seem to wonder how long this present will last.

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Also wandered around the SOMA (South Of MArket) neighborhood to do some errands. Presenting perhaps the least holiday-ish looking building in San Francisco:

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While photographing some of the city’s latest murals, I blundered into a sort of costume party at Harrison near 8th Street. Not a huge fan of electronica, so I only grabbed a few snaps before continuing on my way. As you can, a few of the partygoers are into the “furry” subculture.

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Today, I will make a quick trip to a farmers market and stay home prepping lunches for the week and experimenting with a few new recipes. What can I say? That’s how I relax.

Vonn Scott Bair

Recent San Francisco Murals, 4 December 2015. (Weekly Photo Challenge: Eye Spy)

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Good Evening:

Three recent very unusual murals, all of which featured eyes, all of which presented some interesting cropping opportunities, all of which were taken with my iPhone 6 Plus.

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Vonn Scott Bair